Friday, November 30, 2007

Hard to argue with logic

Gavin astounds me with how smart he is. I know that all kids are smarter than we give them credit for and they are master manipulators. I taught Elementary school for 3 years, I know kids are manipulative. But Gavin cracks me up. I can't argue with him. I can only laugh at how smart he is. Even though we were at the park for about 2 hours today with my visiting teachers and their kids that was not enough for Gavin. When Parker fell asleep in the swing I said it was time to go home. Gavin was already trying to negotiate another trip to the park when Parker woke up. Hard to do now that the days are so short and getting much colder. I told Gavin that we would only go to the playground if Parker woke up when it was still light outside. I figured I was safe since it was 2:30 pm and Parker would most likely sleep until 5:00. Gavin was so excited when Parker woke up a little before 5:00. He insisted we go to the park. I told him it was getting dark outside so we weren't going today. He looked out the blinds in the family room and told me that he didn't see the moon and stars so it wasn't dark yet. Too smart!

My favorite Gavin logic was the day he put his shirt on backwards. I told him he needed to fix it. He looked inside the neck and said, "There's no tag, see!" And he was right, sort of. The tag was printed on the shirt and not sewn in. It wasn't worth arguing about so that day the stripes were on the back of his shirt! I love kids.

I love . . .

I have loved California since we crossed the Nevada/California border on May 27. But every once in a while I take note of how much I love it here. I love the neighborhood we live in. I love our sweet neighbors. Bob let the boys pet his huge (Beethoven breed of dog) dog named Rose. She is a sweet dog and very well behaved. I love all the parks and playgrounds around here. I love the gorgeous scenery. I love that my visiting teachers met with me at the playground by my house while all our boys played together. I love how kind and friendly everyone is. I love how sweet and generous everyone in my ward is. I love that when my visiting teachers say to call them if I need anything I believe they mean it and they would be willing to help me. One of them already babysat for me earlier this month. I love how happy I feel here. I love how independent I am daring to be (I know some of my friends probably think that's funny considering all the limitations I still put on myself). I love that even though Heath has worked until 10 pm two nights in a row this week that I am ok with that. I used to be so upset if he left much later than 5:30. I love that he loves his job as much as he does and he pushes himself every day to be better and better. I love all of these things plus so much more.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Greener Pastures

"What appears to be 'Greener Pastures' may be nothing more than a patch of weeds." My mom and grandma put together a daily quote book for me when I was in high school. I have been using the book every day ever since. The above quote was for a few days ago but it totally fits today!

I am to the point in my pregnancy where I am very insulin resistant and have limited food choices as a result. This happened when I was pregnant with Parker too. But it was spring time when I basically went on an Atkins diet since I couldn't control my blood sugars if I ate carbs. The only time I could have bread products was in between meals if my blood sugar dropped low. It was a bum deal then but not nearly as hard as it is now. How badly do people really want to eat a lot of heavy food in the spring and summer? Bunless, letuce wrapped burgers were fine the first several times but after a while they really lost their appeal! Now it's the holidays. I want to eat candy and cookies and goodies but I can't. I have a glass of milk or a glass of orange juice for breakfast. Most days I don't even get to indulge in a mid morning snack. Then for lunch I eat apple slices with peanut butter and a glass of milk (about 20 units of insulin!) Today I had an orange and yogurt (17 units of insulin). My life is getting depressing!

I sigh heavily when I look at my meal that is less than what I eat when my blood sugar is low. I punch in the numbers on my insulin pump as if insulin were candy and I'm binging on it! Lunch is a sad time of day. The funny part is my kids look at my food and are crazy jealous of what I'm eating compared to what I prepared for them!!! I wish I had never used the phrase "my blood sugar is low" in front of Gavin. He wants to snack on what I snack on. He thinks my fruit snacks are better than his. My fruit snacks are a larger package therefore they have more carbs and last a little longer than what we get for the boys. Gavin knows he can't have my fruit snacks because they are for when my blood sugar is low. So he says, "Mom, I want your fruit snacks. My blood sugar is low too!" Cute but so annoying! Sometimes I say that I have to eat because the baby is hungry. I have no problem with lying to my kids! What mom doesn't lie to her kids once in a while? Usually I need to eat when it's convenient to also give my kids something so they never know unless I'm really low and I tell them I will eat first and then get them something in a minute when I feel better.

Lately I've been thinking that this pregnancy is similar to my pregnancy with Gavin. My weight gain pattern is about the same. My worry is that nursing will be similar. With Gavin I dropped low every time I nursed. I would let him scream and cry in hunger while I shoved all kinds of rich, high carb food in my mouth before feeding him so I wouldn't see spots and halucinate after feeding him. I don't want to deal with all that again. It's scary. Hopefully that part is the same as Parker. I would type more but Heath is working from home today and he needs to get back to work. I need to go Christmas shopping for him. Amazing how I have to go through all the trouble of shopping for lumps of coal!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Time Out

I was reading my new Parenting Magazine this morning. A woman had posted on the magazine's blog about time outs. She said that if she yells she has to go in time out. I was thinking that maybe that would help me stop yelling so much. (I've been getting better lately.) Then she said that it was great to be in time out. "You chill out, staring blankly at the wall, thinking about whatever you want. No one is supposed to talk to you, so it's like a mini-vacation in the middle of the day. I may have to start yelling on purpose!" I laughed so hard when I read that! But realistically, maybe a mini-vacation would do me some good. Last night I didn't yell but I used a very exasperated tone of voice when I told my kids for the 5th time that they just needed to sit down at the table while I finished dishing up dinner. I felt bad so I explained to them that it was the end of the day, I was tired, I needed to try to be happy but they could help by not running through the house like screaming Banshees. We all chilled while we ate dinner together and the rest of the night was much more enjoyable.

The other funny thing I read in the magazine was a poll question. Would it be so bad if you really did turn into your mother? 50% said no while 36% said yes. The funny part was that 14% said I'm tired of worrying about something that is inevitable.

I didn't get to read too much more because there are fun ads in Parenting Magazine with toys and Disney characters and movie characters. My kids fight over my magazines after I'm done reading them but today Parker was throwing a fit because I wouldn't let him read it first. How dare I read my own luxury mail before giving it to my kids!!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Thanksgiving Pictures

I have a "deer in the headlights" look on my face because Heath wanted me to make the stuffing!
Good thing Logan was there to help me!
This little car was the source of much contention between my boys. They fought like cats and dogs over who got to sit in it. Gavin is going through a vampire stage right now. We all saw him bite Parker a few times over this car.
The picture of childhood. I can't tell you how many camping pictures we have of my brother, sister, and me with olives on our fingers. Gavin loved the olives and really loved the convenience of having them on his fingers.
After dinner we went to a nearby park to feed the ducks. My uncle told me that the ducks are picky about what they eat because they are well fed. You can tell these ducks have not missed many meals! They sure liked the Honey Nut Cheerios my aunt brought. My mom kept a firm grip on Parker so he wouldn't fall in the water.

Here's my family. Left to right: Parker, Grandma/Aunt Sharon, Gavin, Aunt Darla, Uncle Chris, Logan, Zoe, Caleb, and Bryn.
Heath is such an awesome photographer. I love this picture of Bryn.
I love this picture of Parker. I wonder what he's thinking about.
Here's another great picture. I love the angle in this picture of Zoe.
My cousins: Logan, Bryn, Caleb, and Zoe. We thought it was funny that they were all leaning the same way. There must have been extra gravity on that side of the room or something.
Thanksgiving in Sacramento was wonderful. My aunt and uncle are not big on Thanksgiving. When I visited them in Alameda as a teenager we had spaghetti for Thanksgiving. Darla made an excellent meal. We all enjoyed being together. My cousins got to know me and my little family a little better. We got to know them a little better. Costco's apple pie was to die for! The park was a blast. The day was perfect.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Momentary Sadness

My mom is on her way back to Salt Lake City and I feel overwhelmed with sadness. I knew I would be sad when she left but it still surprised me how I feel. She flew in last Wednesday night. We gave her the tour of our house and then watched a movie. Thursday we drove to Sacramento for Thanksgiving. I have 4 cousins in that family between the ages of 2 and 10. I love that Heath played with the kids as much as he did. My cousins seemed genuinely sad when we had to leave. Being in their house was a trip down memory lane for me because my 8 year old cousin, Bryn loves to draw. She had her artwork displayed everywhere. She even made placemats for everyone from her artwork. I remember the days when I filled my time with drawing and coloring.

My mom stayed in Sacramento until Saturday afternoon. That way she could spend time with her brother while she was in California. After the BYU football game was over we went in to San Francisco. I have never been to the Wharf at night. That was fun, especially to eat dinner outside by the water.

Sunday we went to Church and later had a wonderful dinner of roast beef, carrots, and mashed potatoes. Then we went to the Oakland Temple grounds to walk around. What a gorgeous place. No wonder my sister wanted to be married in the Oakland Temple. It just doesn't make sense when both of their families live in Utah! When we got home Sunday night we put up Christmas decorations. My mom trimmed our tree which looks incredible. We bought all new decorations from Costco and that tree looks so awesome. I love it.

Today we got ready as quickly as possible so we could maximize our time together. We left the house at 9 am and headed to Downtown Pleasanton. I have only driven through there but have never stopped to look at the shops. It was all window shopping since none of the stores were open until 10. So then we headed for the Stoneridge Mall. That was fun but we still didn't find a tree topper for my Christmas tree. Target was next and luckily we did find a tree topper there for $8. Cheap huh! We had lunch at In&Out Burgers. My mom has never been there before. Then I dropped her off at the BART station where she got on a train to the Oakland Airport. I miss her so much already but I am so glad she came. We had so much fun and the boys loved being spoiled by Grandma. My sadness is only momentary since the fun memories will last so much longer.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Merry Christmas Little Sister

Last night Heath took Gavin out for some one on one father/son time. They went to the mall where they had ice-cream and cookies at McDonald's. There was no waiting to see Santa so Heath thought it would be good for Gavin to practice so he can show Parker it's not scary when we actually take both of them. Santa asked Gavin what he wanted for Christmas. Gavin's reply, "I want Dora for my little sister." Santa asked how old his little sister was. Heath told Santa that she wasn't even born yet and that she was due in February. Gavin's such a sweet little guy!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I've been TAGGED!!!

Tag, I'm it! I have been asked to share 6 things about myself. It was hard coming up with things that most of you don't already know about me (and that I am willing to share!). Enjoy.

#1) Most of you already know that I hate driving. The rest of the story is that I didn't get my driver's license until I was 17 years old and a senior in high school. I didn't even drive home from the DMV. In fact, I didn't drive more than a handful of times until I was 22 years old and paid cash for my first car. It was a cute 1999 Chevy Cavalier (1 year old) with only 13,000 miles on it. 6 years later when we traded it in for the Chevy Uplander I now drive I think my car only had about 40,000 miles on it! I don't know why I hate driving, I just do.

#2) Age 22 must have been a good year for me because not only did I get my first car but I also got my first kiss! That's right, Heath is the only guy I have ever kissed. I was a super flirt in junior high but I must have done something wrong because by high school I was firmly in the friend zone with all those guys. I didn't date much and I did most of the asking out. I have only had 3 boyfriends in my life. A boy named Eric in first grade, a different boy named Eric in second grade, and then Heath. None of this was by choice! But I knew exactly what I wanted in a husband and got it all and more with Heath. I used to worry (while we were engaged) that I was settling for the first guy who ever paid any attention to me. But I always felt like he was the right guy for me. We will celebrate our 7th anniversary in February and I have never regretted one day of choosing to marry Heath. He is my soul mate and like Lori, I would never change a thing about my husband. I love him!

#3) I hate all holidays except for Christmas. I don't just love Christmas day I love the whole Christmas season. I love the reason why we celebrate Christmas. I love the decorations, giving gifts to others, the smells, the lights. I honestly can't sleep on Christmas Eve I am so excited to see people's (especially my kids) reactions to their gifts.

#4) I grew up in a water skiing family. My grandpa has been water skiing for decades. He is in his 70's and as far as I know he still water skis. I learned to ski when I was 12 years old just to make my mom and grandpa happy. It didn't take me long to learn to stand up but once I'm up on the water I hate every second of the experience. As Leonardo da Vinci said in Ever After, I will leave walking on water to the Son of God. I did water ski with a plastic bag on my head once. I even have pictures of it. My hair was permed the day before and I couldn't get it wet so my mom and grandma helped me pin a plastic bag on my head to keep my long hair from getting wet. As soon as I stood up the wind caught the bag which almost blew off. I was laughing my butt off!!!

#5) Math is not my subject. I have memorized most simple math facts but still count on my fingers when I'm in a hurry or flustered. I don't do math in my head. My final exam for my Math for Elementary teachers class in college was a 6th grade math test that I found difficult. My first good experience with math was when I took Geometry in 9th grade. That was the first time I ever understood math. Most of my friends struggled that year because geometry didn't make sense to them. I understand very little about money and really hated it when I had to work the register at Mac Frugal's (now Big Lots), my first job. I worked in the clothing department so I was rarely called to the register. I looked like an idiot every time someone changed the amount of money they were to hand me. I had already punched in the amount they originally had and the register told me how much change to give them. But they would give me a quarter or something to get better change. Most of them were nice enough to say, "I gave you a quarter so you give me $5 back." It never made sense to me.

#6) Unlike most girls I don't need my man to buy me jewelry. I've already mentioned that the occasional bouquet of roses makes my day. As a teenager I looked like Phoebe Buffay from Friends with the amount of jewelry I would wear. I wore earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets, and toe rings all at the same time. By college I wore significantly less jewelry on a daily basis. Heath had to beg, plead, and convince me to go pick out an engagement ring "in case he proposed." I did not want to. I wanted him to just surprise me since I didn't care what it looked like. I finally gave in and found my ring at the Shane Company. Heath asked why I liked it so much in case they didn't have it when he was ready to buy it and he could find something similar. I didn't know, I just liked it. So he took me to mall jewelers until I found other rings I liked. I realized it was the shape of the band that I liked. I was relieved when he proposed with the ring I had chosen at Shane Company. He has wanted to eventually get me a bigger diamond since he proposed but I couldn't care less. Diamonds don't do it for me the way they do for other girls. I love the ring, I'm happy, and I love when he surprises me with roses. I never gossip with my friends about what a cheapskate my husband is for not buying me diamond whatever! I have heard of girls who do this. Sad.

Well, that's me. I hope I haven't shocked or surprised anyone to the point they change their opinion of me! And now I tag Sharon and Shani. Although I think it would be cool if my regular readers would e-mail me a list or send me a letter since you guys don't have a blog.

Monday, November 19, 2007

I don't care attitude

My kids, who are only 4 and 2 years old, have adopted a teenage I don't care attitude. They do naughty things and get in trouble and give us their patented I don't care look. We tell them that unless they make better choices Santa won't come and visit. They don't care. They only hear that Santa Claus is coming to visit. Sometimes they cry but it's more because they were caught than they are actually sorry. Parker is trying to singlehandedly destroy our house. He doesn't care. Gavin bit Parker's finger so hard yesterday it's a wonder he didn't bite it off. He only apologized because Heath told Gavin he wouldn't get lunch until he said he was sorry. Heaven help me when they become teenagers!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Just when you think it's over . . .

So Heath and I both have the flu! Luckily for him he hasn't thrown up yet. I did. A lot last night. I think I'm done with that and I don't feel great but I don't feel as bad as I did last night. We may just live through this.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Things I've learned in the last 48 hours

My kids never get sick after eating a healthy dinner! I can't tell you how many regurgitated hot dogs or corn dogs I have cleaned up in my day! This time we had pizza for dinner on Monday night. Luckily I didn't see any of it again though!

When one kid is sick and you're sure the other one will get sick too, plan on it!!! If you think you hear your toddler waking up from a nap, check on him!!! Even if you hear silence every time you listen at the door. Parker had been (what I thought at the time) sleeping for 3 hours. When I decided to open the door to help wake him up sooner I saw him lying on the floor, eyes open, in his own vomit. I don't know how long he had been there like that.

I am stronger and capable of more than I think. The Lord blesses His children with the means to endure through any trial set before us. I felt pretty good about my coping skills when it was just Gavin that was sick. Maybe I was too smug. I had been complimented like crazy by friends who think I am the "ER Lady" but really I just happened to be around when emergency has struck their families. So I felt confident that Gavin would be fine and I naively thought Parker would wait until much later than he did to get sick. Let me tell you, there has never been another moment in my life where I wanted to switch to panic mode and lay down crying like I did Tuesday late afternoon. I was cleaning up Parker's mess while he was lying on his bed looking like death warmed over. Gavin came up to ask me to get his bucket so I rushed him to the bathroom where he vomited more. All I could think was the last time I felt outnumbered with sick kids I called my sister for help. And I have one more on the way! Insanity!!! The next best thing was to call Heath and say, "Please come home soon. And please stay home tomorrow. I can't do this alone." Even though my sweet husband was incredibly helpful when he got home, the worst was behind us by then.

Brain Fry manifests itself only after another competent adult is around to help. I had kept it together all day. I was multitasking like crazy and I can't multitask! But while Heath was changing his clothes I accidentally gave Gavin a teaspoon of Gatorade from Parker's cup and teaspoon!!! After a quick self-beratement and explanation to Heath, we both came to the conclusion that worse things could happen. They both had the same illness and the end of the world would not come because I made a tired mistake. I had recently seen an episode of Bringing Home Baby on TLC. The couple was spending their first night home with premature twins. The mom forgot to give one twin her breathing medicine and didn't notice until it was almost time to dose again. She laughed it off after saying a naughty word! What else can you do?

Sometimes my gut doesn't speak very clearly. Every time I thought Gavin would be ok to drink at his own pace from a cup he threw up. But after listening to Parker cry like his heart had been broken for more to drink than a teaspoon every 5 minutes, and after Heath gave Parker a blessing of comfort, we decided to just let him have the cup. And wouldn't you know Parker drank like he had been wandering in the hot desert but never threw up again. In fact, he perked up after getting his fill of water. We sent him back to bed with a sippy cup of water and he was just fine.

Everyone possesses a universal, internal desire to fight. My boys were so disappointed I wouldn't let them go to Park Day yesterday. Gavin kept saying, "But my tummy feels better. I'm not throwing up anymore." Now I understand how Heath feels when he tells me I'm doing too much too soon after being sick or having a baby surgically removed from my stomach. (Although I'm afraid this C-section will kick my butt! If I feel this much pain around my scar while being pregnant how will I deal with a fresh incision? For the first time in my life, I may stay home the first 6 weeks.)

The BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) is a good idea unless your kids are old enough to have opinions about their food. At least my kids like bananas.

It sends a weird message when I don't blog every day. I've also learned that people care about me more than I realize. I wanted to blog yesterday. I wanted to blog this list. I actually tried to blog yesterday but of course (Murphy's Law), the computer downstairs wouldn't connect to the Internet. It would just fine on Tuesday but I was dumb and blogged upstairs while Gavin napped downstairs on the couch in front of "13 Going on 30." I fell asleep watching baby shows on TLC yesterday. I could have tried to blog yesterday after 5 pm when Heath was done working. He decided to work from home yesterday and I'm glad. But after 5 pm I wasn't in the mood to blog anymore. No Dawn, things were not as bad as they appeared. I'm playing the lazy card on this one.

I love when my kids recognize they are tired and actually say so. Today Parker looked like he might fall asleep in his lunch. I asked him if he was tired and he said he wanted to take a nap. Wow. No complaints here! He needs the rest. We are on the mend and that's a good thing.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

My Turn

This month has been the month of illness in our ward! I know so many people who have been sick in one way or another. I guess it's my family's turn now. We have been watching movies since 8:30 this morning. I put the first movie on because our handy man came over to resolve an electrical problem. We blew a fuse on Sunday morning when I was blowdrying my hair. Cost of beauty??? I was annoyed because I had to finish doing my hair in the poorly lit baby's room on the floor in front of the mirrored closet doors. Considering the circumstances I didn't look bad but I didn't look great!

Later that afternoon after we still hadn't heard from our landlords, Heath went to Home Depot to replace the GFCI switch. The lights connected to the flipped breaker came back on but I noticed that night that the plugs weren't working. This was in all 3 bathrooms. So I looked like a stay at home mom with my messy ponytail to see the opthamologist. Yeah, this is how vain I am! Is anyone surprised?

So I e-mailed our landlords yesterday morning about the issue. They wrote back that they were in Hawaii. Jealous!!! Anyway they gave me the handyman's info so I could have him come over to fix it. He fixed it this morning. It was a simple fix which was nice. I planned to shower after he left because I could actually do my hair well today. When I got out of the shower the movie was over. I was about to turn off the TV but then Gavin said his stomach hurt. Then he puked on my rug and I ran him into the bathroom where he threw up more than I thought was possible for a skinny 4 year old!

I gave him a teaspoon of water every 5-10 minutes as I have been instructed to do in the past. He held it down and seemed fine and wanted more to drink and he said he was hungry. So in one hour we went from a teaspoon of water to a tablespoon every 5-10 minutes. He did just fine. I made Ramen noodles for my boys and also made a big mistake by giving Gavin watered down orange juice. By the way, if anyone ever wondered, orange juice is not a clear liquid and should not be consumed by a person suffering from flu symptoms! Gavin threw up for the second time. He has vomited a few more times but not as often as Tori was the night I just happened to be at Janelle's house when her husband was out of town.

I got Parker down for a nap. I think he's awake now. I put on a movie I would enjoy which was good because Gavin was not interested in watching and he actually fell asleep. He needs to sleep. I hope Parker doesn't get the flu until at least tomorrow when Gavin is on the mend. It's hard when they both are sick. Parker is so funny though. He wanted a bucket like Gavin. Gavin's bucket was to vomit in. Parker put his on his head! Parker wanted to drink from a measuring spoon like Gavin too. I just hope he doesn't decide to vomit like Gavin! And I hope if both boys do get sick that I don't get it too. I don't know what to do if I have the flu while pregnant. Wish me luck as I take my turn.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Time

In February 2006 I made a scrapbook page about time. The idea came to me because I was so overwhelmed with emotion when I put Gavin into a pair of 3T jeans. I couldn't believe how much he had grown up in such a short amount of time. Gavin has always seemed older and more mature to me than his actual age but that day I was sad to see my baby not be a baby anymore.

I mention this because I have experienced those feelings all over again with Parker. Parker has been wearing 3T clothes for a few months now but that wasn't what made me feel sad. What killed me was seeing Parker in new 3T pajamas. On Saturday we bought him some new pajamas for the cooler nights. Saturday night Heath and I went to a party with our ward. The babysitter got the boys ready for bed. So I didn't even see Parker until Sunday morning. When I saw him in his new pajamas - long sleeved t-shirt and long pants I couldn't even describe the emotions in my heart. My baby is now a big boy. When did that happen???

Whenever I see pictures of Parker as a baby I feel a twinge of sadness. I remember that baby. I can't believe how much he has grown and changed in 2 years. Time marches on whether we like it or not. Sometimes we think different stages of life or our children's lives will never end. They do end. Lori, if you're reading this, potty training does end and these days will seem like a distant memory! Sometimes we wish we could go back in time for just 5 more minutes. We can't. All we can do is be happy where we are.

The last paragraph on my Time page says, "Time . . . what a crazy thing. It took me, what felt like at the time, an eternity to get here. To have my every dream fulfilled. And now time almost feels like it is slipping through my fingertips. But I am happy. I have everything I have ever wanted plus the dreams of the future. May time continue to be kind as my family grows old together and we enjoy every moment in between." It's just as true today as it was nearly 2 years ago. My kids are growing up and that's ok. I was happy with them as babies and I'm happy with them now. And now I must stop typing because I had my eyes dilated today for an eye exam and I am feeling nauseated typing because I can't see very well!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Save the Date

That is one of Kirk's pet peeves. I don't remember what his reasons were but I remember how annoyed he was when he saw a "Save the Date" invitation on his parents' message board! I say save the date because I now have a much better idea of when our baby girl will be born. My doctor said she would like to schedule the C-section for when I'm 3 or 4 days into my 38th week. Based on my calculations that means the baby will be born on February 21 or 22. How weird to know my child's birthday.

The plan was for me to have all my babies sometime in my 38th week. Gavin was a little early (18 days) and I think he was born in my 37th week. Parker was born in my 38th week. I have heard many different reasons for diabetics having their babies early. I just don't always tell people those reasons because it's too long an explanation and sometimes I can tell people don't really want to know. So when someone says, "Oh you have your babies early because they get so big?" I think of how I have had two babies in the 6 pound range and just say, "Sure, that's why."

Yesterday my doctor told me that it's difficult to find the perfect timing to deliver a diabetic's baby. She said that if you wait too long there is the risk of many complications including infection. If you take the baby too early then there is the risk that the baby is not mature enough for life outside the womb, especially lung development. This all supported what I had been told before. That it's the equivalent of a normal mother's baby needing to born between 40 and 42 weeks. The placenta is not as effective and things start to break down. I was told that it just happens sooner in diabetics. But my doctor has found that babies born to diabetics in the 38th week do well. The only reason it would happen sooner is if I go into labor sooner or my water breaks early like it did with Gavin.

I have been worried about the tubal ligation because I didn't know how much time it would add to the surgery. My doctor told me it would take an extra 5 minutes is all. She also told me that I will know she's doing it because she will say something like, "Last chance to say no." I don't see myself changing my mind even on the operating table. She told me that some women see their cute, slimy babies over the curtain and decide not to get the tubal ligation. Not me. Everyone says how horrible labor is and then you look at this sweet little baby and you forget all the pain. Not me. I remembered in vivid detail how horrible the whole experience was for at least a year after Parker was born. It's amazing I even wanted to try again! But I knew there was one more baby for us. I know now there are no more babies for us waiting to be born.

I read a really interesting scrapbook page in my Creating Keepsakes magazine. It was so true I had to laugh. "Sweet baby Lincoln. My newest nephew and probably the last grandchild on this side of the family. It surprised me how much I forgot about how babies smell and coo and how simply perfect you felt in my arms. You just fit so well and you are so loved by all of us. And I began to wonder if maybe those feelings were telling me something. If maybe, just maybe, our family should be a family of 6, instead of 5. The numbers would be even, there wouldn't be an odd man out anymore, and we had always talked about having four kids. It was just the right number, it seemed. And then I looked across at your gorgeous mom. And saw how tired she was. And then I remembered. The sleepless nights, the massive sleep deprivation, the heavy diaper bag and infant car seat, the constant laundry, the terrible 2's, and potty training. And I came to my senses. But you almost had me, sweet baby. Almost." I agree. The bad days (like yesterday) solidify my decision but even on the good days I know I will love one more baby and my family will be complete.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Is it illegal?

Is it illegal to want to sell your child? Is it illegal to seriously think about finding a box to mail your child to either of his grandmothers? Is it mean of me to insist that Parker stay in his room until he has actually slept? That kid has not stopped his temper tantrum since the moment we walked in the door at 12:30 pm. The only time he hasn't been crying is when I sat next to him hoping he would just go to sleep already.

I took my kids to Lisa, Gavin's Primary teacher, while I went to the OB. She took them with her to pick up her son from pre-school in Dublin. Parker fell asleep in her van and she carried him, carseat and all, to my van where he woke up. He is obviously overtired and I am literally at my wits end. He screamed bloody murder, throwing his food around, during lunch. So I exercised great self control and calmly carried him up to his room and locked him in. He screamed even harder and pounded on the door so hard and so much that the doorknob came off. (It broke Halloween night. Heath just needs to fix it because heaven knows it will take a month for the not so handy man to come - it did the last time we tried to get him here.) So that's when I held Parker until he calmed down and sat next to his bed. He won't sleep even though he keeps rubbing his eyes and he was asking for his lunch. This may get me the worst mother of the year award because I gave him what was salvagable of his lunch - apple slices - on a napkin and shut the door again. He has a sippy cup of water too. That used to be his favorite way to go to sleep.

If I'm bald the next time any of you see me you will know why. I signed the tubal ligation papers today and I would do it again and again and again! But really, can I sell my 2 year old?

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Off Day

Have you ever had one of those days where your typical schedule is off just a bit? Today was one of those days for me. It's not a big deal and nothing bad has happened as a result. It's just been an off day.

I found out my friend has the flu. Bummer for her and I hope she gets better soon. I was just glad I found out as early as I did. It gave me time to find a replacement babysitter for tomorrow when I go to my OB appointment. And thankfully that was not nearly the panic/crisis situation I thought it would be. I had a list of 4 people I would try to call, the last one being someone who could give me more ideas. The first phone call was successful.

My hair dried too fast today so it looks less than lustrous! Not a big deal, even for me and I'm a vain perfectionist!

My boys were so sweet all morning until I pulled into the grocery store parking lot. Gavin suddenly decided to be really weird about going in the store. He told me that he and Parker would be good while I went in. I wanted so badly to leave them out there since I was only going in for a card and Sprite for Janelle. But I didn't think that was a good idea to leave 2 toddlers in a van. Gavin screamed at me until I put him in the back of the cart and then he was fine. Crazy kid! Once I got out of the store I unloaded kids and stuff and told the boys to get in their car seats. They decided to sit up front instead and pretend to drive. I don't care about that too much but I already felt like a stupid mom for walking 3 parking stalls away to put the shopping cart away leaving them alone. So I got them into their car seats and filled out the card. Then my van wouldn't start. I tried 3 times and the engine wouldn't turn on. I panicked and called Heath hoping he was able to take the call. He answered and told me to call On Star. "That's why we pay for it!" he said. I really didn't want to do that especially if it meant I was stuck in the parking lot until On Star could send someone out to help me. So I turned off the air conditioning and tried again. The van started and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

We drove to Janelle's apartment to give her my get well wishes and see if she wanted me to take Tori to the park for Park Day. Stephen, Janelle's husband, had taken the day off as I imagined he would and he and Tori were already at the park. So we walked to the park (which is right behind their parking lot) and I really hoped the van would start later. It was nice to see my friends and nice for the boys to play with their friends. Usually Park Day ends around 12:30. We left closer to 1:00. (the van started just fine) Parker fell asleep and didn't wake up when we got home. He slept for 3 hours and ate a large snack at 4:00 since he missed lunch. He did have a cupcake at the park to celebrate Jen and her son David's birthday tomorrow. Parker has eaten less for lunch before!

Our gardeners came to work on our yard today instead of Friday. I thought that was a little strange. I don't know of any reason why they would need to come 2 days early. I'm telling you, today was an off day. They just work out there without bothering us so I didn't care.

I turned on baby shows because I was feeling lazy and self indulgent. Gavin watched a little with me and just hung out with me which was nice. He wanted to watch his shows after mine were done. He never got busy doing anything else so I honored his request. At this point I couldn't care less if we watch TV all night. We are having hot dogs for dinner after eating a late and somewhat non-nutritious lunch. And now the TV is on because I would rather just be with my boys and have us all be happy than try to come up with something better to do. In 10 years will it even matter that today was an off day? I'm sure all we will remember is the love we share as a family.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Ready for Little Sister

Tori came to play this morning while Janelle went to a YW Presidency meeting. Gavin and Parker are so cute with Tori. The three of them play so well together and they get so excited when we pull up to each other's houses. It's very cute.

I love watching Gavin with younger kids. He is so patient and loving. I don't know what Tori was doing today but Gavin was very sweetly telling her no and then he told her he would get some toys she could play with. Then he turned to her and said, "Do you want to come with me?"

I have never worried about how Gavin would react to another baby. He plays the role of big brother very well. I used to worry about Parker who would get jealous of me holding or talking to Cameron (he was our old neighbor and he is a year younger than Parker). Parker seems to have mellowed out a bit. He is interested in babies and he is learning to be soft.

Both boys lovingly put their stuffed animals in the baby's crib and sing lullabies. They are very ready for their baby sister to come. They talk about her all the time. Just watching them play with Tori helps me see the future when they will run around with their little sister. Thanks Janelle and Tori for giving us the chance to practice what it will be like to have a girl in our family!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Daylight Savings Time

Ahhh, the time of year when you get an extra hour of sleep. The mornings are lighter, making it easier to get up and the days are shorter, making you want to snuggle under a blanket in front of a movie or crackling fire. Yeah, I remember those days. It's a dim memory now. Why? Because I have kids.

I used to wake up at 6:10 am, hit snooze, snooze for 10 minutes then kick Heath out of bed, then sleep for another 20-30 minutes. Now I just wake up at 6:00 am to my kids yelling for me to make them breakfast. I lay in bed for 20-30 minutes hoping that if I don't move they'll think I'm asleep and leave me alone. It hasn't happened yet!

They don't seem messed up during the rest of the day. They don't get hungry any faster. Gavin still begs for lunch at 8 in the morning same as before. They don't seem to tire earlier. I have decided that the time change doesn't make the days shorter. In our house the days are now 28 hours long instead of the traditional 24 allotted to the rest of humankind. We live in a time warp continuum of some sort that occasionally experiences extra gravity when one or more of us get clumsy several times in a row!

Friday, November 2, 2007

Is it worth it?



I have experienced round ligament pains with each pregnancy but the third time around it's been more often and more painful. Everything I've read on the subject says it's normal. I'm basically feeling my uterus stretch and grow to accomodate the growing baby inside me. The books say it's harmless pain but can throw some women for a loop. Enter Exhibit A! Admittedly, I have gotten stuck on the couch in so much pain but laughing at the fact that I can't even get up, which makes it all hurt that much more! Luckily that has happened when Heath was there to rescue me. But today I've just been hurting. It's not like I need to change positions because I'm not even lounging around. It started with a cough to get rid of the tickle on the back of my throat. The whole bottom of my stomach (around my C-section scar) was the worst searing pain I have felt in a long time. I swore my scar would rip open and this poor kid would just plop out! As I groaned in pain Parker asked, "Mommy ok?" I told him his baby sister was hurting Mommy's tummy. After about an hour the pain subsided but I feel tired now. I asked myself if it was even worth all the pain I go through to bring people into the world. (I cried for about 5 minutes this morning because of a bad blood sugar reading.) I looked at my boys and decided that yes, despite all the pain whether it be physical or emotional, it's worth it to have my babies.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

I Do It!

This is what I hear all day from Parker. Or the other variation, "Mommy, let go. I do it!" He has become Mr. Independent. And he gets mad if you don't let him do it. He will throw a perfect 2 year old fit if I put him in his car seat. How dare I! He has to climb in himself. And heaven help me if I get him out of the van and put him on the ground. He will climb back in the van, turn around, and climb back out just to prove he can do it. He insists on putting his arms in the sleeves of his shirts without help. He's not good at it so it's frustrating to watch him struggle so much but I'm not allowed to even pull the bottom of the shirt taught so he can more easily get his arm in the armhole.

The fun part is he loves to help in any way he can. Both Gavin and Parker get excited to take lint from the dryer to the garbage. Parker gets his own diaper and wipes if we're downstairs. (He can't reach the top of his closet if we're upstairs.) Parker got all the dirty clothes out of the laundry basket and put them in the washing machine for me. Gavin thought that was cool so he did the next load for me while Parker was napping. The annoying part is they follow me around like lost puppies. They walk out to the garbage with me, usually holding part of the handle on the garbage bag. Parker gets mad if I close the door instead of letting him so he has to open it and close it again. Or slam it so I get the point!

I've been feeling a little obsolete this morning with Parker's insistence that he do everything for me. To make matters worse, Gavin told me that one of his computer games wasn't working and that he was going to tell Dad to fix it. I said I would look at it and try to fix it myself. Gavin told me that only Dad could fix it because he needed to get his tools. I said, "Don't you think I could use Dad's tools to fix it?" Gavin told me, "No, they too heavy for you. When I hold Dad's hammer it's too heavy." (I don't know why Gavin thinks we need any sort of tools to fix anything on the computer.) I'm Just a Girl by No Doubt has been in my head ever since. Who knew my boys would decide they don't need me anymore 9 years before they become teenagers!