Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Learning Lessons

Today Gavin and Parker have been sent to time out several times because Gavin keeps yelling at Parker. I have told Gavin that he needs to tell me when Parker does something wrong and not just yell at him, or bite him, or whatever Gavin does to get them both screaming. I would rather deal with a tattle tale at this age rather than endure the screaming! I know Gavin understands me when I explain to him the behavior I expect. But he just hasn't learned the lesson yet. Surprisingly I'm not even all that annoyed by it. I know sometimes it takes my boys a little longer than I would like for them to learn the lessons I am trying to teach.

Right now I feel completely humbled because I am realizing that I'm not learning the lessons the Lord wants me to learn! For some reason I have this intense pride that gets in the way of me being ok with asking for help with babysitting. The Relief Society President doesn't realize I work myself into a frenzy every week over having to call people for help. But she decided it would be nice if she could arrange for someone to watch my boys during my appointments until I deliver. Unfortunately, the woman she asked to help has been dealing with a lot of illness between her and her great grandson that she takes care of. She feels awful telling me she can't help.

I thought this week would be easy since I just needed someone for Thursday afternoon. Then I realized my choices were limited since people have to get their older children from school in the middle of my appointments. I took a deep breath and called someone thinking it may not work but it was worth asking. She immediately told me that would be fine. I said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are a lifesaver!" She laughed because I must sound like a moron for being so afraid to ask for help! After I got off the phone it hit me. I need to be patient with my kids as they learn to be responsible little people just the same way the Lord is being patient with me as I refuse to learn that it's ok to let people serve me!

Heath tells me over and over that the people in our ward understand that I need help with the boys. They have all been there as they were pregnant while having other kids at home. Heath reminds me that our ward members want to help. I know that's true since they say that to me. Why can't I let go of my pride and accept the Christlike love that is so abundant in our ward??? Moving to California has made me a better person in many ways and I have finally learned a lot of lessons from the Lord that I struggled to learn before we moved. This is just my new challenge I guess. I know the Lord led us to where we are today. He wanted us in this neighborhood and in this ward for a reason. Maybe being in a ward unlike any other I have ever been in is part of that reason.

1 thoughts:

Qian Jia Ting said...

I know it's hard, but we love you and (when we can) we are super happy to help you! That is what friends, and fellow Saints for that matter, are for. And think of how you've helped others (especially that freaky girl who left you at her house with 3 kids while she went to the hospital!!!) Talk about Christ-like service.