Now that I’m all grown up . . . well, chronologically. I think back to what it was like to dream of adulthood. Kids do funny things. They have all these fortune telling tricks that supposedly determine their future. Anyone play MASH as a kid? MASH stands for Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House. The rules vary as to how you cross off the letters. The ultimate results are the same. You end up with one letter and that one letter represents the housing you will end up in!
MASH leveled the playing field of reality. Anybody could end up in a mansion even if they didn’t deserve it. Straight A students that wrecked the curve could end up in a shack. Maybe MASH reflects reality more than we thought as kids!
My favorite fortune telling trick used face cards. You put out all four kings, or queens if you were a guy, and name them with your latest crushes. I usually picked two guys I really liked, a hot celebrity, and the last king was some nameless dream I might meet one day but hadn’t met yet.
The next step is to ask questions about your future spouse. Lay down a card under each king until the suit matches. Keep asking questions. The final question is who will I marry? I rarely ended up with Will Smith. Interestingly, I usually ended up with the guy I liked best. Sometimes cards ran out before there was a match so I didn’t know who I would marry on that round.
Oh the naïveté of youth!
Some people have lists. Heath had a list. Ross’s list on Friends was a little different and Rachel was mad when she found out about it. Heath’s list was not cataloguing my pros and cons. It was simply a list of ideal qualities. He made it long before he met me. So I was not mad about it.
Heath worked with a guy who had a pretty extensive list. This guy was an analyst to the nth degree! He had a whole Excel spreadsheet on girls and their qualities. He could figure out a girl’s “number” by using the spreadsheet. When the pickings were slim he would settle for a 7. When he could be more choosy he went for a 9 or 10.
Oh the desperation and idiocy of single adulthood!
Someone once said to keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards. I like that.
Sometimes I think of how I hit the marriage jackpot and I wonder how he feels about getting me. According to his list he only compromised on “plays sports.” I have been told I have a volleyball player’s body type. But we all know I don’t do sports of any kind!
Back to the face cards . . . one of my favorite questions to ask was, “Who will spoil me rotten?” Yeah, Heath spoils me. Rotten.
For all he does for me sometimes I wonder what on earth I bring to the relationship! Recently some friends told me I am the band. They said everyone needs a cheer leader and that’s me. (Not cheerleader.) I am the wind beneath his wings. I am every gaggy metaphor one could think of! I help him shine. And people think I’m amazing because he taught me everything I know!
Ignorance is bliss!