Thursday, March 25, 2010

I won

Success comes in different ways.  It is always accompanied by relief.  Being successful is hard work.  It takes a lot of determination, perseverance  and even more “in your face, I will prove you wrong” attitude. 

I don’t know why I am out to prove the world wrong.  It’s built into who I am.  When I win it’s a glorious thing.  Today I feel like I have won. 

Today I visited my endocrinologist. 

My husband prepped me for the visit by giving me nice words to say to my doctor to get my needs met and my point across.  I have spent my entire life attempting to hold my caustic tongue.  It’s not easy but I’m getting better. 

The visit went well.  Everything was down into a more acceptable range.  My weight, which he never commented on but I don’t care, my blood pressure, my average blood sugar readings, and the amount of insulin I use, which he didn’t comment on that either but I don’t care. 

I won because I brought all of these things down myself.  Well, my new ace inhibiting medication may have helped my blood pressure but it could be argued that my decreased stress level helped that too!  I won because not once did the doctor mention Symlin.  I recently read that diabetics don’t produce two different hormones.  We only take insulin but there is another hormone we are missing and Symlin helps fill that gap.  But that’s not why my doctor wanted me on it.  He thought it would curb my appetite and help me lose weight.  You can read all about that rotten day here

I won because I don’t have to see him next month.  He told me to see him in two months!  This is big.  It means he feels my diabetes management is stable enough to not have to see him next month.  I have been seeing this guy every month for 13 months.  My numbers have been spiraling more and more out of control every time I see him as he jacks up my basal rates which has created many, many issues. 

I won because I took control of my basal rates and insulin to carb ratios and I lost nearly 10 pounds just by lowering my insulin needs!  I have less lows which means I don’t have to eat as much.  I won.  Any way you look at it I won. 

My husband says that my doctor probably thinks he won because he got me mad enough to make these changes.  It’s hard to say if this was all reverse psychology or not.  Either way I don’t care.  He can be happy and I can be happy.  He can sleep at night thinking he won and I will run through the streets, flailing my arms, screaming that I won. 

Regardless of who won, the point is I’m a healthier diabetic. 

It feels good to win.  It feels good to be back on the healthy side of Type 1 diabetes.   It feels insanely good to have lost as much weight as I have.  Only 20 more pounds to go.  That seems so doable since I haven’t even introduced exercise into this weight loss equation yet!  Too many lows.  Now my blood sugar is more stable and I think I’m ready to be told I’m doing awesome by my cartoon Wii Fit trainer again.

It has been sprinkling off and on all morning.  I walked out to my van with the sun shining.  The happy sunshine shone the whole way home enveloping me in warmth, relief and that high that comes from kicking some serious butt!  Skipalong by Lenka was playing on my drive home.  I was happy that I was no longer skipping along quite merrily, reveling in hating what’s going on.  I worked hard to change what was going on and I won. 

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