It was worth all the emotion, at the time. It was extremely inconsequential. It was repeated over and over in my mind. I knew it was a small thing that only needed a deep breath and closing my eyes for a moment to get over.
I didn’t let go that easily.
It sounded even more ridiculous out loud. My friend listened with an experienced ear. Although I could not eloquently express myself she knew what I meant. She is a mother.
Later in a completely unrelated conversation I cried. Not about what I was saying at the time but because I had to let go. For her sake I tried to keep my emotions in check. She needs me more than I need her right now. Which I know is not true.
I’m not ready to stop crying yet.
The gate has been opened with one inconsequential moment followed by another. An old story allowed the tears to come. Now I’m ready to cry out the current weight on my shoulders. The frustration over one situation, the anger over another, the helplessness over many something else’s.
I give myself permission to feel the way I do.
The weight will still be there. Crying or not. It just feels heavier today. In the meantime, I will have to tell people the truth:
I will be Super Woman tomorrow. My cape is still at the dry cleaners.