Thursday, April 29, 2010

Do these emotional scars make me look fat?

The other day I posted about what a forgetful mother I am. The truth is Parker did not need to go to the kindergarten class visit. I certainly didn't need to listen to the parent information again. But it was one of those things. I felt bad for forgetting. I wanted Parker to have the experience and not be treated like a red headed step child because he's the second and middle child. My inner middle child cried out that I was being unfair and I had to do something.

So I took Parker with me to the office yesterday. I simply said we missed our appointment for the kindergarten visit and would there be any more. I did not give a reason because it wasn't worth lying and I certainly wasn't going to incriminate myself like that! As luck would have it there were some more times available. We were scheduled for Thursday at 1:15. That's today.

I told Parker what we were doing this afternoon and told him to put on a nice shirt and either shorts or pants with no holes in the knees. He came downstairs in his yellow Busy Bees Pre-School shirt that he inherited from a ward member, navy blue shorts, and a Winnie the Pooh backpack on. No comment from me.

For the next several hours he was not himself. He seemed extra edgy getting in more trouble than usual. I lost count of all the I hate you's he flung at me this morning. That phrase does not hurt my feelings. I understand that the boys are extremely frustrated when they say it to me so I just say I love them. What gets under my skin about it is the fact that our resident mocking bird, Gwen, mimics their every pout, temper tantrum and every inappropriate and hurtful thing to say. The I hate you's from Gwen bother me only because she doesn't know why she's saying it.

I've been around this block once before with Gavin. I was hip to what was really happening. Parker was so excited to do the classroom visit. Gavin was too but his anxiousness is usually anxiety because he's a worrier. He doesn't like to try new things. Gavin had an impressive meltdown about five minutes before we left for his kindergarten classroom visit. In that moment I remembered how much I fought with my brother in the weeks leading up to his mission. Heath and I talked to Gavin about how the visit would help him not be nervous about starting school. Our pep talk worked.

I tried to talk to Parker. But he wasn't nervous. He was so excited and anxious to go he was out of control. We got to the school a few minutes early and his anxiousness bubbled up more and more. It was interesting to watch. He wasn't nervous. He talked 90 miles an hour and had to fill every moment with verbal diarrhea. He was a little apprehensive inside but he was fine. No worried look when I waved goodbye to go into another room to hear all the policies and procedures.

His talking didn't stop when we were finished. It slowed down a little bit but he was still a little chatter box. He was surprised at how fast it went. We were only there for 45 minutes. My favorite was when he told me that when he goes to school he will miss me. Only he said it as if he was ticking it off a shopping list! My guess is the teachers must have said something about kids feeling homesick during school. I told him he might miss me but school is only three hours long. He would see me again!

Only two more nerve wracking moments for me. Walk Thru Registration and the first day. Then I'll be home free. But I will continue to worry. It's the job I signed up for before birth. And I am good at my job! I am worried about putting another one of my babies in the care of the school. The drama of Gavin's kindergarten year has almost completely disappeared. It is staring me straight in the face again now. Parker is different from Gavin but I still had to state on a questionnaire that he has not attended pre-school and that I am a homemaker. Two things I feel my family was singled out to be persecuted for.

I worry that he will be referred to speech, not because of shyness like Gavin was, but because he doesn't always pronounce his L's or R's correctly. I have had so many people suggest I put him in speech therapy now before school starts. I don't want to. I have worked with him a lot on his speech difficulties since his 3 year well child checkup. When the doctor asked if I understood him I told her I struggled to understand about 50% of what he said. Parker and I worked on correct pronunciations of words when glaring mistakes came up. He improved so much in one year. He speaks really well now except for those two sounds, that are developmentally normal for his age.

My biggest worry is another bad teacher/student fit. I can't deal with another year like I went through last year. Looking on the bright side, I am much more prepared now. I don't go with the flow without thinking it through first. Just because a teacher says something does not make it true. I fought the system once, I will do it again if I have to. In the end, I am the mother. I know my children and their true potential or shortcomings. Some overworked teacher can't tell me what to do.

In the meantime, we will just be excited. The question, "What are your expectations for your child in kindergarten?" made my heart pound. After a couple deep breaths I wrote that I expect Parker to have fun while learning. That's all I expect. I'll cross other bridges if and when they come up.

0 thoughts: