Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Not Forgotten

Years ago, probably not long after I was diagnosed with diabetes, I watched a show with my parents.  It was about how insulin was discovered.  The three of us were in awe.  What a blessing these young arrogant scientists had given the world.  Kelly, over at Diabetesaliciousness, had this link on her blog today.

I have never forgotten how blessed I am to have Type 1 diabetes now.  Now when the medical technology is exploding with new and amazing ideas.  There is still no cure.  Maybe there never will be.  But the fact that I can live a normal life has never been lost on me. 

In junior high and high school if some acquaintance found out I was diabetic they would tell me I could never have kids.  That always worried me even before people predicted gloom and doom for my future.  Would my stupid disease that hadn’t stopped me from anything before really stand in the way of my greatest dream in life – motherhood? 

When I was pregnant with my first I remember a lady from church finding out I was diabetic.  She immediately said, “You’ll have a c-section because of that.”  I was so determined to prove her wrong.  Every once in a while I feel like a failure for having had all three babies via c-section.  I take comfort in knowing my diabetes had nothing to do with it. 

Knowing the circumstances that led to my c-sections fills me with more gratitude for being alive now.  Now when modern medicine allows people to survive childbirth. 

I look at my kids and I’m happy they are here.  Once upon a time I thought they never would be.  Now that I’m on the other side of pregnancy I have learned so much of what can go wrong with an unborn baby.  Recently I watched Extraordinary Measures starring Brendan Fraser and Harrison Ford and am now reading the book the movie was based on.  It’s all a true story. 

Learning the tiny bit I have about Pompe disease makes me grateful for my own naivet√© before I had my kids.   Had I known everything I now know about childhood diseases and even what a mother’s diabetes can do to an unborn baby I may not have had such a fire to do it.  But I believe life should go on even when it’s scary to do so. 

My kids are proof to me that I can live a normal life in spite of diabetes.  If anything happens to my kids, if they inherit my diabetes or anything else, they will live as normal a life as modern medicine will allow.  Same as me.  I will never forget how blessed I am to have what I have. 

Some days I wish I could put diabetes in a closet for a few hours but in the end I know I am blessed.  I don’t consider myself some sort of hero because I’m just living my life.  I’m so grateful I can.

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