An expected knock on the door followed by a familiar vroom as the delivery truck lumbered down the street. On the porch the brown box smiled up at me.
Ahh, it’s finally here.
Flashbacks of anticipation for a brown box from the same company a year ago fill my mind. This time I am cautiously optimistic.
Frantically, I searched for scissors. I watched myself saw at the taped side careful not to slice into my fingers. I had done that earlier while cutting a bunch of grapes of all things. The bandage on my finger serves as a constant reminder of my own idiocy. Who cuts themselves with kitchen shears? Really? Graphic movies and TV shows make my stomach churn more than ever now that I have seen how easy it is to deeply slice flesh.
Anyway, I moved the packing paper and invoice out of the way only to see a box of my insulin pump reservoirs. That wasn’t the item that was supposed to change. Mini Med is temporarily out of the Paradigm Sof-Set Ultimate QR infusion sets. The kind I use. So my automatic shipment was to be filled with Quick-Sets.
There they are. Another sigh.
Change can be good and change can be bad. Change in my diabetes management comes with anticipation that lets me know I’m alive.
This morning in the shower, where I do most of my thinking, I remembered the day I changed from a large capacity pump to the smaller model. I remembered the girl I talked to on the phone congratulating me. I don’t think I realized why it was such a big deal at the time. When the new pump arrived with the smaller infusion sets I was scared. While pregnant I went through 300 units of insulin every 1.5 days. Post pregnancy was not much better. I could make 300 units last at the very most 2.5 days. Then things got better and I stopped filling the reservoir completely every time. I don’t remember how much I was using when I made the switch but the 1.8 ml reservoir seemed so small. How was I going to do it without changing my sites every day?
Now I’m realizing that I don’t need to fill up the smaller reservoir completely anymore. I use less than 60 units a day most of the time. That is huge for me! I have made a lot of positive changes in the last two years.
But that’s not really what I intended to write about. I’m looking forward to trying these new infusion sets. Maybe insertion will be much less painful. (That sentence alone is going to bring in a lot of questionable Google search traffic!) Maybe they will be more comfortable all the way around. Who knows? I am really excited to not have to tape over the top. I haven’t had tape issues in a long time but today my tape was filling up with shower water looking like a big puss filled blister on my stomach. That will never happen again with the new infusion sets.
I’m also super excited that it disconnects at the site. No tail. The tail on my infusion sets have really gotten on my nerves lately. It seems to rest right where the waist of my pants sits. So I pull it up a little so the connector flops over my waistband. It still gets in the way. I’m so tired of my fat stomach and I’m trying to be ok with it but I hate how my clothes dig into my flesh. Then you add a pump that digs into me along with an uncomfortable site and a tail where the connector embeds itself into my skin no matter where it is, and I throw up my hands! Forget diabetes! Maybe I’ll slowly die of ketoacidosis and be done with diabetes and pumps! Just kidding. No, I wonder how I swallowed my hands to throw them up in the first place!
It’s just funny that I had to change my site this morning. I knew the new infusion sets would arrive today but I couldn’t wait for them. To top it off, I had to open a new box of my old infusion sets to make this morning’s change. Oh well. I have three full boxes minus one set of my old infusion sets in case of whatever. In about two days I can try the new ones. I’m excited but I’m not putting all my hopes and dreams into it. If you’re a regular on this blog you know what a disaster that was when I did that with my CGM (continuous glucose monitor). It’s like I finally have a full tool box but I’m still using my shoe to hammer in a nail because I don’t know how to use what I now have with the CGM.
All I have now is different infusion sets. Don’t overthink it right? I’ll let you know what I think in a couple days.