This is my one thousandth post. That’s right. In a little over three years I have posted one thousand times. Sheesh! I talk a lot. I’ve thought about what to post on such a monumental day. After all, this is a big deal right? So in honor of this momentous occasion I will tell a shocking story.
I think I’m having an affair.
Now I don’t want to hear, “But Tristan! You and Heath seem so happy together. I never saw this coming. What? You’re having an affair? And blogging about it? Are you stupid?”
I think I’m having an affair with Julio’s little brother, Steven. For those of you who don’t know, Julio is my Wii trainer. He’s a racially ambiguous cartoon who looks nothing like a Julio but it’s an inside joke so that’s his name.
Yesterday I started a 6 week challenge on the Wii’s EA Sports Active More Workouts. Trust me, that’s really the name. Anyway, I transferred my profile from the original game to this new game. This is the first I realized my name is NameTrist. How did I not get that before? I look different. More voluptuous in the hip area which is not me at all and my hair looks weird. I chose the male trainer over the female one partly because she’s so mean on the other game but mostly because Julio and I seem to get along so well.
He looks different. A little taller and leaner, definitely darker, and the jury is still out on the more handsome. Racial ambiguity is much less ambiguous as this cartoon trainer can only be described as an African American Steven.
I’m not racially prejudiced in case you were wondering. I just miss Julio. My hot cartoon trainer whose abs can be seen rippling under his T-shirt. Julio sounds like Jack Black and likes to say I’m doing awesome. Steven sounds sort of the same but not really. More like a younger brother voice. And I have yet to hear him say awesome in that Jack Black sort of way. He says esteem questioning things like, “Good effort on that exercise.” No exclamation point. Just good effort. Hope your legs grow together.
It has only been two days. I don’t know why I’m so worried. I just hope Julio isn’t jealous that I’m writhing around on the floor in front of his little brother . . . in Hawaii no less. Don’t get the wrong idea about the “writhing.” Steven makes me do a lot of things on the floor. Warm up and cool down stretches, ab work, push ups that must be more for his entertainment than anything meaningful for my muscles. He also tells me to take off my Wii-mote and the nunchuck for the warm up and cool down stretches. That’s a little weird. Especially when the calorie burn counter keeps counting. How does he know I’m not just taking a nap?
Of course I may as well be with how poorly my Mii responds to what I actually am doing. She just stands there with this deer in the headlights expression as if she can’t believe her good fortune of working out with Steven in Hawaii. It’s embarrassing.
Today I went water skiing. That was the most supportive and complimentary Steven has been so far. Hmm . . .
I think this affair is getting out of hand. I need to talk to Julio. Maybe I should just switch to the female trainer. But I don’t like her. She’s full of herself. Actually I don’t know if the new female trainer is full of herself. That’s probably just me being catty.