Thursday, October 21, 2010

Meet the Incredibles

Parker:  Mom, something bad happened.
Me:  What?
P:  This . . . 001
M:  Wow.  That is bad.  Thanks for telling me.

Meet the Incredibles.  A family whose super power is super strength. 

Let’s talk about the shoes for a minute.  I knew they wouldn’t last forever.  In some ways I’m surprised they lasted nearly 11 months.  In other ways I’m surprised the bow details and pictures and what not didn’t get pulled off sooner by Miss Curiosity.  I’m definitely surprised it was only two pair of shoes that lost these details.  Her favorites – Sleeping Booty and No Wipe. 

As far as the shoe breaking in half entirely . . . I don’t know how many pairs of plastic fat heeled pumps I went through as a small child.  The heels would always break off and my dad would try to glue it back together and they would break again and soon I had a new pair and those would eventually break too.  And  I only walked in them.  I don’t remember imitating Danny Ainge’s jump shot in them.  (I had to think of some 80’s basketball player!)  I don’t remember chasing my brother and sister throughout the house in them.  I was a lady.  Gwen is a tomboy in frills.  Although I am impressed she managed to break the sucker in half! 

Toys are one thing.  They seem to be manufactured to be disposable.  More so now than when I was a kid.  Maybe that’s just me being nostalgic.  “When I was a kid prices were lower, politicians were noble, and toys were made to last!” 

The real super strength super power belongs to Heath.  Mr. Incredible.  This is a man who has broken everything we own with a handle in the time I have known him.  Everything.  If it has a handle, Heath is sure to break it eventually.  Not out of anger.  He has dented a few walls  in his time.  But the handle thing is just his thing; a family joke.  He has broken a broom, a shovel, rake, cooking utensils, and countless “unbreakable” ice cream scoops.  Now he has surpassed himself and done the impossible. 

He broke a golf club.

With a golf ball no less.  I know.  It doesn’t seem real to me either but I assure you that I am not making this up.  Every Bill Engvall golfing joke is running through my mind.  “That’s a golf shot!  Well of course it’s a golf shot.  I just hit a golf ball. . . . . . What are you some kind of cruddy golfer?  Hey, I hit you didn’t I?  You were doing about 60 on the freeway.  That’s a pretty good shot in my book!” 

Considering that Heath broke a graphite shafted golf club by accidentally hitting it with a golf ball the next Bill Engvall joke that comes to mind is, “Let’s don’t ever reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally make this man mad!” 

I’m not sure I 100% understand the details but here goes.  Heath was golfing with some coworkers on the opposite side of the Golden Gate Bridge that you normally see in pictures.

Euro-Golf-Day-001

Euro-Golf-Day-002Euro-Golf-Day-003

Don’t I just live in the most gorgeous place ever?  Sometimes I can’t believe I live here. 

He was the team captain since he had the most experience.  This is laughable since he never golfs.  He’s been out on business golfing things maybe twice before this.  I don’t even know why they went out this time.  I feel like an old lady just looking at the young, carefree coworkers in their jeans flashing rock on hand signs. 

Anyway, so Heath was the expert on his team and they were playing along having fun.  Heath said that he should have known better than to have people standing where they were but for 8 of the 9 holes nothing had happened.  Which means that something had to happen right?  So it’s Heath’s turn and he gets into position.

Euro-Golf-Day-005and swings. Euro-Golf-Day-006  And the ball just flew.  It flew a few yards until it hit a club in the bag shattering the handle.  Then it flew some 100 yards further almost hitting a coworker narrowly missing her by divine intervention according to Heath.  By some miracle the ball landed in the hole for a hole in one.  Oh wait.  That part I did make up! 

Euro-Golf-Day-016

The coworkers were stunned and in reverent awe of Mr. Incredible.  The same man who decided to run through the park one day.  He was dropped off by the tire dealership shuttle at the far end of the park because some exercise might do him good was his thought process.  He started walking and felt a wild desire to break into a run.  Why not blend in with all the other Saturday morning exercise enthusiasts?  He was puffing along when some cute cheerleader type girl ran by.  As they were about to pass she said a perky hi.  With all his might, Heath dug deep and grunted out a wheezy hhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii.  He managed to not pass out or puke but two feet later he decided to walk the rest of the way home.  When he told me the story I laughed hysterically for a good 10 minutes before I regained any sense of composure. 

Meet the Incredibles.  Super strength matched with super unawareness of what they are actually capable of.  This is my family.  And I love them dearly!

4 thoughts:

Dawn said...

Did Mr. Incredible tell you what he broke playing volleyball?

Jenni said...

That's a funny story! Wow, your hubby must be made of steel. And now your daughter has his genes. Nice work! :)

Heath Westover said...

Yes, I did spike a volleyball once that resulted in someone having three fingers broken. It was one of the best spikes I remember having right until she tried to block it. The amazing thing is she kept playing after.

The Piquant Storyteller said...

This is the first I've looked at the computer all day. I love all the comments.

I knew that Heath broke someone's fingers playing volleyball. I believe he also said that he broke a pregnant woman's nose playing volleyball. Maybe he just hit her in the nose. I remember she was pregnant though. And he wants Gwen to play volleyball. The shoe may only be the beginning!