Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Airborne Experience

I spent most of my Civil Rights holiday weekend dejunking.  What a liberating feeling to purge things that haven’t been used in years but are taking up so much space.  Towards the end of this project my head felt funny.  I had either inhaled too much dust or I had a cold coming on.  There is nothing worse than feeling a cold coming on. 

I couldn’t shake the sinus pressure or the itchiness in the back of my ears and throat.  It’s a cold.  Heath suggested I take some Airborne.  You know that stuff that was created by a second grade teacher to fight off the gambu at the first sign.  Heath had bought a couple tubes of it for our trip to Disneyland.  For all the rain, he was the only one who took any.  He never did get sick so I guess that’s a good sign right?  Or is it like someone clapping coconuts together to keep the elephants away?  Is the clapping successful or are there just no elephants?  Either way, I was ready to try it as an experiment and share my findings here. 

My head was feeling twice its normal size so I tried the first tablet of Airborne.  Unlike Heath, I let mine dissolve in water first.  I guess he’s just into extreme cold fighting and preferred to take it straight.  Just pop that fizzy tablet bad boy into his mouth and chew away.  Like I said, he never got sick.  Maybe there’s a method to his perceived madness.  That will be the next step in my experiment. 

So far I’m three fizzy tablets into the Airborne Experience.  I’m not sure if it has a cumulative effect or not since the first dose didn’t seem to do much of anything but taste like tepid raspberry Fanta, only more carbonated than Fanta.  The second dose was around 7:30 this morning and seemed to clear up the fog of fatigue I was operating under.  Incidentally, the thick fog I could barely see to drive in also cleared up by 9:00 am.  I don’t think Airborne had much to do with that though.  My other symptoms seemed to diminish to the back burner of my subconscious. 

Symptoms slowly started to make a comeback as ungracefully as Kate Gosselin on Dancing With the Stars.  Sorry, she came up in a conversation with some friends today.  We all agreed she’s milking the gravy train she’s on to the point of train wreck – can’t watch but can’t look away!  Oh dear.  Where was I?  Oh yes . . . cold symptoms coming back.  I popped another fizzy tablet into a glass of water right before taking Parker to school.  I ended up chewing most of the tablet since it didn’t have enough time to dissolve more.  Now I know why Heath took it straight!  The flavor and fizziness is so much more intense when you chew the tablet.  And with the instant knockout of my symptoms I had a rocking party in my mouth! 

I’ll admit that when I started this experiment I had my doubts.  I know people swear by this Airborne stuff but I’ve tried other get sick quick schemes.  Wait, that’s not right.  It just feels right since that’s inevitably what happens.  Take Zicam and plan on being on your deathbed of a cold by the end of the day.  Plus that stuff has so much zinc in it I felt like I was licking colored sunblock off of someone’s nose.  Metallic zinc aftertaste will last until Christmas, regardless of when that is.  And if you get gassy with those subtle burps you suppress as a full body hiccup you taste it all over again.  Woo.  Hoo.  So not a party in my mouth.  More like party gone awry.  More like getting pulled over by Parker the cop, who ironically started out as a veterinarian but somehow picked up a second job as a police officer, every time I spin a decent number on Wii’s game of Life on the Family Game Night disc.  I had to pay that kid $5,000 every time he pulled me over!  It’s ok.  I still won.  But only barely.  That kid is so good at every game he plays. 

The older I get the more I am willing to try things just once.  Like frozen California Pizza Kitchen pizza.  That one made me nervous.  I’m not a pizza fan and I had a friend tell me that CPK isn’t that great.  For someone who actually likes pizza tell me that CPK is the pizza to avoid, well I think that advice is worth something.  But Heath wanted to buy the frozen stuff and I reluctantly agreed.  All I can say is it’s a good thing we bought two boxes because what came out of the large box was a miniaturized version of what was pictured.  The box neglected to say anything about how the photo came from the image seen under a telescope.  Forget a microscope, this had to be from a telescope at close range. 

The taste wasn’t bad for frozen pizza.  Given the fact that two boxes equaled about one medium sized Domino’s Pizza, I would have much rather paid $2 less for Domino’s where the Pizza Dude delivers it to my house already hot!  And if I’m going to eat pizza that wrecks my blood sugars for the day faster than I can blink, I would rather enjoy eating pizza that tastes good like Domino’s or Pizza Hut.  Not some tiny thin crust pizza resembling cardboard that tastes only so so but convinces my blood sugar to take up residence in the 300’s for the next 8 hours.  Would I recommend CPK frozen pizza to a friend?  No I wouldn’t.  I think it goes without saying that I won’t be in a hurry to dine at CPK either. 

Would I recommend Airborne to a friend?  So far yes.   If any new developments come up I will let you know.  Nothing like drip by drip coverage of my latest cold.  It’s for posterity, if not for science.

2 thoughts:

Dawn said...

I am runing out to get Airborne right now. Actually I tried some at Disneyland Heath style since he had not bothered to read me the directions. Barry should have tried it because he came home with a cold. Of course, this is the guy that it took three days to convince he needed to buy a hat to keep the rain of his nearly bald head. MEN!

The Piquant Storyteller said...

Dawn, you crack me up!