Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Airborne Results

The results of my little experiment are . . . (drum roll please) . . . how sad must I be to blogging about this?  No, those aren’t the results but it hit me last night that I am the most vanilla person.  This does not depress me or bother me in any way.  It’s just an observation.  I was watching White Collar, another fabulous USA drama, when I realized that my life is the exact opposite of TV.  I watch these shows with their complicated plot lines and mysteries that take years to solve and what do I do?  I color inside the lines and blog about whether or not Airborne is a viable cold remedy.  Gunshots do not punctuate my day nor do crazy car chases.  I do have the controversy of cartoon Wii trainers.  At least that . . .

On an episode of Burn Notice Sam asked a woman if her late husband had any enemies.  Can you imagine?  What if I were to go on some trip and, heaven forbid, something awful happened.  What is Heath supposed to say if his friend asks, “Did your wife have any enemies?” 

“Uh, no.  Wait.  Come to think of it she did.  She had a family of green talking boogers that sometimes took up residence in her nose.  Mucinex always seemed to clear them out.  And she took Airborne as soon as she felt a new cold coming on . . . Other than the booger family I can’t think of anyone that would want to hurt her.” 

Love is blind! 

I think commercials were created to give Mrs. Boring of Suburbia a sense of fitting in.  That’s why the Mucinex commercials show talking boogers living in someone’s nose.  It’s more exciting than what is really happening.  How about that commercial where the lady is sitting up in bed talking to Mucous aka a figment of her imagination?  Not only are they talking but he’s telling her to stop blaming him for symptoms clearly caused by sinus inflammation.  Or how about the lady who supposedly gives a knuckle bump to the Alka Seltzer kid but nearly knocks him over in her exuberance? 

That’s closer to my reality.  Personifying the voices in my head.  Because as the professional homemaking queen of Suburbia this is as complicated as it gets.  That and of course giant stockings unrolling from the roof on Christmas morning revealing more than Santa ever considered giving to anyone in my family!  Those Windows phone commercials are pretty spot on though.  “Really?”  Boy I tell you, I’m glad Heath has a Windows phone so he doesn’t fall on his face getting off the moving walkway at the airport.  I mean talk about embarrassing. 

Thank goodness for Airborne though.  I have two kids in the public school system who act as carrier monkey mercenaries for germs. I have one who survives the church Nursery every week with all the crying toddlers chewing on toys and dripping snot everywhere.  I have a husband who does business locally and across the country.  Have you ever seen one of those Airline episodes on A&E?  Airports are a lot like government buildings in that they attract the armpit of the earth.  I find it interesting that it’s not cheap to fly yet “government building” types fly.  Wouldn’t you think that a trip to the grocery store would be a more exotic experience since everyone has to eat?  I guess enough people watch What Not to Wear and dress up to shop for groceries.  Nah!  Maybe all the exotics shop at the 7-11 across the street for basic grocery needs leaving the regular grocery store closer to a model runway experience. 

I say don’t forget your Airborne no matter where you’re headed.  Because Dory, from Finding Nemo, was right.  If you never let anything happen then nothing will ever happen.  Leaving the house is inevitable as are the germs that lurk just outside your front door.  Airborne is the key to uncomplicating an otherwise uncomplicated life.  It will free up more time for you to find enemies, or at least find a more complicated plot line in your life story. 

4 thoughts:

Dawn said...

You are hilarious! I will never look at a commercial the same way again. Thanks for the smiles in a day that was decidedly nothing to smile about.

The Piquant Storyteller said...

Thanks for the compliment. I'm glad I could brighten your day a little. Do you need to borrow my death ray gun? I can set it to frape if you need.

Dawn said...

Send me the gun!

The Piquant Storyteller said...

I'm on it!