Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Farewell Incognito

I like to give inanimate objects names as if they are my friends.  It makes me feel like I’m popular and have a lot of friends since I don’t have a Facebook account with 664 BFF’s!  Any time I think I should really get me one of those Facebook account things to validate my existence in the world, I think of my real friends.  The ones who are always there for me.  Yazzle and Bond Girl (who have moved on), Velma, Steven, Julio, Pandora. 

A new friend has made its way into my daily life.  Its job is to be attached to my hip.  I already have an insulin pump that is attached to my stomach and I wear it on my hip.  I haven’t even given it a name.  Probably because without it I wouldn’t be the Bionic Woman.  It’s a part of me so I call it pump like I call my arm, arm.  Anyway, this new friend is supposed to be with me every second of every day.  When I sleep it rests nearby.  When I shower it’s not far away.  When I drive it interrupts my thoughts and my music by having Velma beep loudly and say, “Incoming call.”  It scares the snot out of me but I can answer and talk freely while I pull into my driveway.  It only happened that one time and I was almost home. 

My new friend is my phone.  My new friend does not want me to have it all.  I am no longer able to have a phone strictly for emergency purposes because society thinks reaching me every second of every day is important.  Farewell incognito. 

A few days after getting my phone I was walking home from the park with my kids.  My friend (a real person!) pulled up alongside us.  She said she wanted to see if I could go for a walk but she could tell we were coming home from the park.  Then she asked me to give her my cell number so in the future she could call me and meet me at the park.  Normally I would say I live in the dark ages and don’t have a cell phone but that’s no longer true.  Instead I said I don’t know my number because I had only had the phone for a few days. 

Yesterday pandemonium broke out.  I had no idea every phone connected to my name was ringing off the hook and buzzing with text messages.  Silly me, I thought all I had to do was walk up the path behind the school with Gwen to pick up my boys.  Why would I need to carry my phone with me?  Who would need to reach me?  Apparently the school and my husband trying to tell me the school was trying to get in touch with me.  *eye rolling*

Since I didn’t know, Gwen and I walked and talked and stopped every third step so she could adjust the backstrap on her flip flops.  I’m just going to cut that part off because it’s annoying and she doesn’t need it.  When we arrived at the kindergarten pod we sat down at one of the picnic tables.  A minute or two later Parker’s teacher walked out with a gaggle of kindergarteners surrounding her.  It wasn’t the first time she has let the kids out before the bell rang so I didn’t think anything of it.  Until she looked straight at me and said, “He’s in the office.  You’ll have to pick him up there.”  Oh.  Okay. 

Gwen and I walk across the sea of students and parents, since the bell just rang, to the office.  I opened the door and smiled at my friend who was talking to the secretary.  The health nurse walked by at the same time the secretary spotted me, hung up the phone, and said, “Oh there’s Mrs. Westover!”  Parker walked out of the health room over to me.  I hugged him and we started for the door to get his backpack and homework when the secretary said they were looking for me outside.  Given the situation nothing else needed to be done so we left. 

Once I got home I saw that I had missed a call at home but there was no message left.  The caller ID showed it was the school.  I wasn’t surprised.  I took my cell phone out of my purse and saw I missed calls and text messages from Heath and a call from the school.  He was telling me the school was trying to call me.  I texted back what had happened.  His reply came at the same time the computer bonged that I had a new email.  Farewell incognito indeed!  The email was just a Goodreads update and not Heath wondering where I was like I thought. 

Fine.  I’ll carry the stupid thing with me wherever I go.  Not that the school reaching me on my phone at the same time I was parking would have made a difference.  I’m downplaying what happened to protect the innocent.  It’s not the point of the story.  The point is I’m so indispensible I must have my phone on me at all times!  Not only so I can be reached by people but so my kids can get more tiny fingerprints all over the screen playing games. 

I have learned that if I don’t charge my phone every night like Heath told me to it will run low on battery.  I was going to be a good girl and take it with me to the park on Friday but it gave me a red so it must be important message saying the battery was dangerously low and I better charge it.  It also said something cheery like “We don’t want you to miss anything!”  Great.  I was already late so I hoped Heath wouldn’t find out I *gasp* didn’t have my phone with me because it was out of battery! 

This friendship is going to take more effort than the other inanimate objects I have named.  The trick is to find a good name for my new friend.  Suggestions are welcome. 

3 thoughts:

Dawn said...

I am guessing pain in the )%#@ is out of the question. I don't know my cell number either. I only turn it on when I want to call someone.

Sherron said...

While reading your post two words came to mind, so here are some names for your phone based off of the words.

Omni (short for omnipresent)

or my favorite
Ubi (short for ubiquitous)(I know that it isn't the right way to shorten it because the 'qu' is on the 2nd syllable, but Ubiqu just doesn't have the same 'ring' to is as Ubi does to me)

The Piquant Storyteller said...

I love all of those names! Dawn, I'm actually a little surprised at your suggestion and I think you're right, it won't work. Sherron, I really like Ubi. I may have to try that one out and see if it sticks. Ubi. Yeah, that's super cute.