Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I’ve Learned

  • Mental exhaustion is more tiring than physical exhaustion.
  • Sleep deprivation plays into mental exhaustion.
  • Despite the fact that I haven’t slept well the past 3 nights I don’t feel like I need a nap.  I need a break from my mind. 
  • The meds are still messing with me.  Yesterday I started tackling household chores with gusto, stopped to take Parker to school, came home and all energy drained right out of me along with my mood.  Hours later I stared at the piles of folded laundry and could not make myself put it away.  I have been mad about it ever since. 
  • The simplest of things stop me dead in my tracks.  If screaming would help I would do that.  Instead I try to pretend like nothing is wrong for the sake of my kids. 
  • I’m out of blogging ideas which is a problem since blogging is a great escape for me.  I’m hoping that this post will free up my creativity.  I’m not holding my breath though. 
  • When I tell my kids not to worry about something and to stop letting perfectionism stop them from even starting something I hear myself say it and wish I could follow my own advice. 
  • Even though I know it’s a chemical imbalance and it will take time to resolve, I still feel guilty.  Especially when Heath says he loves me and is being patient with me so I need to be patient with myself. 
  • TV is a great distraction until the commercial breaks.  Even if it’s a DVR’d show and I can skip the commercials it’s enough of a break in the story that my mind wakes back up and I start circling the shame spiral again. 

I read a post yesterday that was really depressing.  There was no point to the painful memory that was shared and no happy ending or even an I’m a better person for it conclusion.  I don’t want to leave this depressing post like that.  What’s the take away? 

Things often get harder before they get easier and worse before they get better.  I am blessed with supportive friends and family even when I feel like I have done little to deserve it.  Easter is coming up which is a celebration of the Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.  If that doesn’t inspire hope nothing will.  The Atonement was not just for the sins of the world but also for pain, illness, and circumstances beyond our control.  As heavy as burdens can be they are always easier to bear with faith in Christ.  He never sent us here to fail and He will never leave us.  I believe that to be true and on that note I move forward. 

3 thoughts:

Becca Jane said...

Yes..always moving forward! Isn't it crazy how we seem to have to learn the same lessons OVER and OVER?? The nice thing is that the people we love and rely on are usually in a different phase of that learning on our upswings, we can strenghten our friends and on our downswings, they can strengthen us! It's a wonderful blessing. And I know what you mean about blogging....some days I just feel like I HAVE to blog SOMETHING or else I can't function.

The Piquant Storyteller said...

Becca, I love what you said about people being in different phases of the learning process. I hadn't thought of it that way but it is so true. It is a wonderful blessing that we can be there for each other.

I didn't know you felt that way about blogging! I know I've said it a million times already but you changed my life when you introduced me to blogging. It's a creative outlet that has blessed me in so many ways. Thanks! :)

Becca Jane said...

Well it sort of just hit me because it seems like just yesterday, You were the one comforting ME. Sometimes I'm the one who needs to be comforted...and other times I feel strong enough (like right now) to confidently assure others of God's love and blessings and goodness in our lives.