I absolutely love this song. Thank you Pandora! And could the video be any more beautiful? Sigh. I love love love this song and video and I’ve been trying to think of a good time to post it without making it seem like I’m depressed because I’m not. I’ve come to the conclusion that the perfect post will present itself for this song only after I post it so who cares! Whatever! I love it!
Have you ever had one of those days that is wonderful, stressful, exhausting, and vent worthy all at the same time? That was yesterday for me. I’m going to list off everything I did yesterday. Remember I am an introverted home body with agoraphobia and debilitating anxiety. Do you like how I just totally pigeon holed myself? As if that’s all I am and all I can be? No, the reminder is to give the list perspective and a way for me to apologize for getting so angry with my children that I sent Gwen to bed at 7:20 just to give myself a time out.
- Woke up at 6:00 and finally got out of bed 20 minutes later
- Started a new 6 week challenge because I can’t get enough of Steven
- Showered before taking Gavin to the neighbor’s for a ride to school
- That’s only a big deal because I am always always late for my weekly play date because I don’t budget my morning well at all but yesterday I did!
- I was still 15 minutes late to the park. What are you going to do right?
(top to bottom) Amanda, Rebekah, Gwen, and Parker had a blast playing together as always. The train was a tough concept for the girls and Rebekah was tired so she was missing in the middle picture.
The girls were sitting like this on the steps when all us moms realized we needed a picture and by then the moment was gone so I went home, grabbed my camera, and forced the shot. When I zoomed in some random girl we don’t know sat down to be in it too. That makes me smile.
- Made lunch before 11:00 am. Don’t you wish you were me and had a kindergartener you have to drive to school every day at 11:25! Some days I eat with my kids and some days I don’t. It depends on my blood sugar. I should have eaten yesterday since I was low. I chose to drink a weight loss shake instead so I had time to worry about my ophthalmologist appointment. Good call right?
- Took Parker to school and realized as soon as we got there that he still had sandals on. His teacher let it slide this one time.
- Rushed home to make an appointment to pick up glasses after school with the optometrist and rushed to my friend’s house to drop Gwen off so I could get my eyes dilated in peace.
Gwen’s second play date of the day. In this picture Gwen is wearing a long white dress while she is a pirate on her pirate ship. Rachel is also dressed to the nines and is making her princesses walk the plank. I’ve decided to stop taking so many pictures with my phone. They don’t turn out really well.
- I spent too much time talking to my friend and was late picking up the boys from school. They didn’t care since I prepped them that I might be late since I didn’t know how long the eye appointment would be. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my absolute relief when the doctor shone his intensely bright light into my dilated eyes and confirmed that my diabetes has not caused any damage. Hallestinkinlujah! I was so worried. It’s been a couple years since I’ve done this procedure even though it should be done every year and my blood sugars haven’t been real stable lately. I’ve beat the odds yet again. Yay me. Now to get my life in control so I can better manage my blood sugars and live a long and prosperous life while flossing my teeth twice a day to add 3-4 years (according to the medical channel the doctor’s office had on).
- Rushed to the optometrist’s office to pick up my glasses as well as Gavin’s.
Another crappy phone picture but oh my goodness could he be any cuter! I have no picture of me yet but I am stunning in my new glasses with unscratched lenses that you can actually see my eyes through! Gavin likes to look above his lenses and then through the lenses to compare. He says everything is closer which I think means everything is more in focus. He asked Heath to pull up the guide on the TV so he could read it from the furthest corner of the couch. He can! He reads every sign we ask him to and I think we’ve finally convinced him he doesn’t have to take them off to use the bathroom! So cute right?
- My blood sugar was low at the optometrist’s office so I was popping glucose tabs then ate a huge snack once we got home. I needed a break from it all but there was no relief in sight since we had agreed to go to a pseudo birthday party at the park. It ended up being a group of kids and parents I didn’t know. The only person besides the hostess and her kids was another mom from school and her kids. So I talked to her until Gwen melted down enough times she ended up wetting her pants. I understood how tired she was but was so grateful for the opportunity to leave already!
By the time this picture was taken most of the party guests had left. Gwen is standing next to her friend Ella who is Abby’s little sister. Abby and Parker have their arms around each other and are in the same class at school. Maddie is next to Parker and she’s the birthday girl. Her brother Dylan is next to her. I don’t know the other kids. It was a million degrees and the setting sun did not help. The sun started to go down enough that it was really nice out by the time Gwen had her accident.
- Over the next hour and a half Gwen went on to have several more accidents and several screaming matches with everyone so I sent her to bed. She was tired and I was not a good mommy anymore but at least I calmly put her to bed.
- I watched trashy TLC for a couple hours before heading to bed. I also ate popcorn since there was no Diet Coke in the house. Heath told me I could go buy some but I was in my pajamas and I probably would have eaten the next person I saw since I was so done with people at that point.
How’s the Zoloft working? Pretty darn well when I think of this day and all the things I had to do, places to go, and people to see. I love my friends so I feel bad that I deteriorated as quickly and as badly as I did once I got home. I think it was just too much for one day. I prefer to do one thing a day so I can maintain the façade that I am a nice person. *wink* But I woke up this morning and was happy mommy again. I have really been enjoying my kids lately. Gavin has been delightful to be around this week and now that he has his glasses he is like this whole new person to me. Is that weird? We don’t always see eye to eye so I’m grateful for the moments that we’ve just talked as friends this week.
So far the anxious feelings won’t (completely) go away. They’ve been knocking me sideways. I keep thinking in a moment that time will take them away. But I keep picking myself up and trying again. Things are slowly getting better or easier or just going back to the way they were before two plus weeks of constant anxiety. I’ll get there. And when I do I hope I can breathe normally while imagining myself visiting my family since I had to postpone this week’s trip.