Monday, May 2, 2011

The To Do List

The list was an insurmountable unmanageable reason for a panic attack last night.  Heath told me to write down everything I had to do so I could see it wasn’t that much nor was it that hard.  It was a good exercise and I was able to easily fall asleep. 

The list hovered over me all morning and somehow it took all morning to accomplish nothing more than my basic primp routine.  What happened to my morning?  I don’t even know.  I know that when I get really stressed I tend to get caught up in little compulsions that I hate myself for giving in to. 

The list grew in my imagination and by the time I went home, after dropping Parker off at school, to put my thoughts together before running errands the panic attack was rising.  But I was going to cross off one thing on my list if it killed me.  I was going shopping come hell or high water. 

The list was put on the back burner while I had a moment in my office with the invisible walls.  The post I have since deleted gave me motivation to move in the face of threatening paralysis.  The paralyzing anxiety is my new enemy.  I hate it.  Nothing makes me feel more helpless and frustrated for being stuck in this crazy cycle than the fear that literally stops me in my tracks. 

The list of things I have done today:

signed up for Diabetes Blog Week next week

shopping

mailed check to the dentist for my filling

switched carpooling days to accommodate Parker’s field trip

rescheduled doctor appointment

washed and dried all loads of laundry minus one

put away one load of laundry

cleaned the kitchen

ran dishwasher twice

made lunches for boys for school tomorrow (Parker has an all day field trip to Pigeon Point)

made a card for Parker’s teacher after forgetting it was Teacher Appreciation Week

I haven’t finished crossing off everything on my list.  It sort of kept growing as the day went on but I can see that I did a lot more than I thought.  Writing it down definitely helps.  Now I can enjoy my Diet Coke because I have earned it today.  I need to rehydrate after all the crying I’ve done!  Tomorrow is another day.  It’s going to be every bit as difficult as today was but I get Mexican for dinner.  It’s our way of giving back to the school.  It’s one of those deals where 15% of the bill goes to the school.  I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this. 

7 thoughts:

Abigail Delphenich said...

Don't forget to come walking with us tomorrow at 1 get in some girl bonding stress relief time!!!

Jenni said...

I love "To Do" lists. It's so nice to see (in writing) that I really accomplished something today. You accomplished a lot and yes, you definitely deserve your Diet Coke! :)

The Piquant Storyteller said...

I'm all over it Abigail. I may even meet you guys at Vicki's house and walk to the playground. A walk would do me some good.

The Piquant Storyteller said...

My Diet Coke really hit the spot Jenni! I folded more laundry and finished packing for Parker's field trip. If I can get through the morning I'll be good.

Happy Mom said...

I love crossing things off my list. Sometimes when I'm feeling really overwhelmed I add things to my list that I've already done so I can cross it off!! Yep sometimes I'm just that desperate!!

Becca Jane said...

Haha, I add things I've already done too, so I can cross them off!!! Or I add things like "Get the mail" or "kiss my kids"....things that I would already do anyway! It was fun to see your list!

The Piquant Storyteller said...

I love the idea of crossing things off I've already done! I guess that means I can add my workout and showering, feeding the kids, etc. Kissing the kids would be a good one. We yelled a lot yesterday so that would have been good to have on the list.