Thursday, June 23, 2011

God moves in mysterious ways

Wrestling with the Lord is not easy yet I find myself doing it a lot.  It’s only when I look back that I realize the point when I started meaning it when I said, “Thy will be done.”  All the other times I guess I meant thy will be done but according to my will, my wants, and my desires.  Oh and in my time frame, thank you very much.  But it doesn’t work that way.  I know this but still have to relearn it over and over. 

Four years ago I knew my family was supposed to move out of Utah.  Heath and I didn’t know where but it was undeniable that we had to move.  The journey that took us to California, even down to the exact city we live in was meant to be.  The Lord had his hand all over that journey.  There was a reason why we had to be here.  I still don’t know what that reason is but we’re here.  For a while there I hoped our time in California was done and we could start a new adventure in the Northwest closer to Heath’s family.  Clearly it’s not meant to be right now. 

I will admit that I was excited to live here for the first year or two and then I found reasons to want to leave.  As a result I never fully settled in.  I guess there was always the thought that this wouldn’t last forever so why plant roots?  Over the last several months the Lord has tried and tested me until I’m finally convinced that this is where we’re supposed to be and now I’m at peace with it.  It was not easy to come to that conclusion but the peace is worth it. 

Several months ago Heath found out about a great job opportunity.  We dreamed about it and hoped it would come true with stars in our eyes but kept plugging along with what we were doing, including seriously looking for work outside of California.  Stars were more glittery for the Northwest than this opportunity I personally thought was too good to be true.  The Northwest didn’t work out again.  No worries.  This new opportunity slowly came to fruition.  Heath was becoming disenchanted with agency life.  I’ve posted about how fast paced agency life is with high burnout rates.  Leaving the agency world was a mutual decision.  Heath was asked to stay long enough to train his replacement and given a severance package along with the vacation pay he earned. 

It’s now official.  He has accepted this new job offer to do the same thing he was doing only now it’s client side.  The best part is his commute will be 15-20 minutes as opposed to 90 minutes one way.  Yeah, that alone makes living here so much easier.  Not that it’s hard to live here or I’ve hated every second of it.  I do love it here and I’m slowly getting over the culture shock of the money aspect of everything.  It’s so strange that now I feel like I’m prepared to finally settle in and enjoy living here while I’m here however long that may be.  It took an almost job opportunity in Redmond, WA to realize the blessings we have here in this house, this neighborhood, all of it. 

Despite all my efforts not to, I have made some really good friends here.  That sounds weird but when we first moved I put my heart and soul into two friendships that dissolved when those friends moved.  I’m the type of person who holds back because I don’t like to get hurt and having those women move really hurt.  It hurts even more that geographical distance has inevitably distanced the friendship after we all swore it wouldn’t.  I wish I could live out loud with my heart on my sleeve but I don’t.  I hold back a little.  Heck, it took me a year into marriage to finally lose myself in love to Heath.  I loved him but with subtle reservations.  How sad is that? 

Anyway, I was talking about staying here.  I look around me and there are so many blessings and so many wonderful things about living here.  I am happy we’re staying.  I’m thrilled with this new opportunity for Heath that comes with a VP title and a sweet commute, not to mention an incredibly supportive atmosphere for him to be the analyst he has always wanted to be but never had the opportunities to be.  Maybe you don’t believe things happen for a reason.  I do.  Heath was led to this position.  As early as 2003 his career has taken a deliberate path we didn’t realize until 2007 and that specificity has not stopped.  I see that now.  I don’t know if I will ever know why we’re here in this very city and the ward we are in but there’s a reason.  A big one. 

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